It is no mistake that as I consider a writing contest: “Writers Crushing Doubt” Hosted by Positive Writer.” – See more , all my doubts and fears of my new author status surface. I sit and contemplate. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I feel the doubt deep inside my heart. It sits there gently waiting, wondering, and observing my every move.
My life took a 180 overnight. Seems I jumped into this author role so quickly. It’s all consuming being a writer. Sure, it satisfies my need for expression – my fears, joy, sadness and even Truth. But for what? Am I trying to sell my writing? Or am I simply trying to connect with others to massage my passion of making a difference? What is it all for?
Every time I turn around and get to the next step of publishing my first book, Pebbles of Gold, I add oodles of work to my plate – formatting, blogging, branding, reviewing…
My old life is nowhere to be found. My business and my passion of teaching healthy food preparation is absent. Students are contacting me to setup more classes and luncheons. I tell them I’ll be back. But will I?
I now focus on branding myself and building relationships with bloggers, book stores, libraries and media personnel. I am told this is a must for authors. Otherwise my book sits a lonely life on Amazon on page 235 of 250 pages. And if I’m lucky, perhaps it sits on a lonely shelf at the corner book store. Perhaps I will hand some out to students in need. Perhaps my family will buy them.
But is the effort worth the reward? What reward exactly? Do I even know? And if there is a reward, will it surface? In six months, in five years, or never.
And as I dip into the familiar place of my author within, I am reminded how it feels to be here. It feels right. It feels grounding. It feels as though this is home. I am home in my body and in my soul. I remember to trust here. If I move toward that which brings me home every time, my Life is on purpose and on track. I am home and write another day.